Just Talk to Me: How to Survive Social Distancing ?

Change can be challenging. The corona crisis was neither anticipated nor desired. However, instead of crying in despair, you should focus on solutions. Instead of focusing on the things you can not do anymore, focus on the things you can still do. Instead of focusing on the negative, you have to focus on the positive.

Step-by-step guide: 

1. Date yourself ( Check out the blog entry about: Dating yourself during corona crisis).

- Do sports, cook, read, write, listen, record, watch, film, paint & paint, build, design, program etc.

2. Enjoy the company of your household: Flatmates, partner, family or whoever you are living with.

- Play board games, talk & discuss, share your interests and try out new ones.

3. Connect with people outside your household: Set-up an account on a communication platform or use a tool for it.

- Play games online, watch a movie together, do sports, go for a walk, cook together... everything is possible nowadays.

But even if you are occupied with dating yourself, spending time with your household or connections online, it is not the same than before, right ? 

It is less enjoyable to spend time with yourself if it is not a free choice but a necessity. The same accounts for your household. You are forced to spent time with each other, you do not have that many options to escape. Also, online gatherings with friends, family member or professional meetings are different than offline encounters.   

The main reason is that your senses are stimulated differently online and offline. You can still perceive the core message of a conversation but subtle information is gone. Even if you can hear your opposite, the voice will always be slightly distorted. You can see each other, but only in 2D. Most of the time, you only see the head of another person, often in bad lighting but you cannot perceive them from different angles. Gestures and mimics are important communication tools that go missing as well. The most positive change, however, is that you do not need to smell others. Even though people can also connect via it, some people possess a very unfortunate natural odour. And joining your friend for an online dinner is different, of course, because you can neither smell nor taste the food. However, if you meet offline but keep the distance, you might no miss out on any of your senses. One exception is the last and maybe most crucial sense, your tactile. No handshakes, hugs or kisses. But we are all social creatures and we are not made for this type of social distance! So what can you do about it?  

The only possible answer in this situation is: Work on your communication skills. If it is not possible to hug or to send subtle messages we have to make our feelings, thoughts and behaviour explicit. Also, we have to make sure that the opponent does the same. That means you have to talk, talk, talk, even more than before.

Establish ground rules, a psychologically safe environment and create a shared mental model about your experiences, current situation and expectations.

This part is especially important for formal contacts and people you are not that close. But it is also important to share and exchange your impressions with your informal contacts, friends, family members and romantic partners. People can not read your mind and even if, it is still nice if you make the effort to share what is going on. Do you miss the chit-chat in the beginning of a meeting because it connects you with the others and you have the feeling everyone is more engaged? Then share it with the others, you can even include it into the agenda. Do you know someone who is always wearing fun shirts but you miss out on them now? Tell the person that, they might share their daily outfit and you have created a nice ice breaker for the start of a gathering. Do you miss the person who was always sitting next to you because of their encouraging words or great jokes? Just give them a quick call, I am sure they like to hear a well-suited complement and drop some of their best bits of advice or jokes while you are on the phone. Most importantly, you have to make explicit what the other person means to you. You can not substitute it with gestures, a good smelling cake or a hug. Even an encouraging smile might be perceived as less strong than offline. Sharing how much you appreciate each other has always been important, but it is more important now than ever before. You have to substitute for subtle messages and physical contact!   

Tips:

1. Be as explicit as possible.

2. Do not make assumptions based on signals which you think you have perceived. It is even more unlikely online and over a distance that you are correct.

3. Ask questions if something is unclear.

4. Being that explicit and talkative might be exhausting, especially when you have to stare at a computer. Therefore, take breaks.

The corona restrictions and social distancing will be gone one day. What will stay is how you handled the situation. Did you put effort into your relationships? If you do a good job in strengthening your interpersonal bonds, the offline reunion and future cooperations will be a great success. If a friendship, business partnership or a romantic relationship survived corona, they are likely to last for a very long time. Corona made us more aware of the importance of interpersonal bonds. Let's keep this in mind, even when the crisis is over.

Share your thoughts, feelings and actions. Appreciate your friends, family and partners. Most importantly, let them know what they mean to you!

A big virtual hug,

Johanna 

Titel image: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-6467829/HEALTH-official-hugs-good-you.html#i-4fcbe0f51e8444fd